Podcast Episodes

So, what do you actually know about pirates ? Probably nothing, considering most of your historical knowledge comes from Johnny Depp, Disney rides, and an actor in the 1950s laying the West Country accent on way too thick . In this episode, Andrew Culture and Dr Sam derail the podcast train immediately to talk about DIY studio tape failures, prison etiquette, whether female pirates fought with their tits out, and how Henry Avery managed to nick £100 million before vanishing into thin air like a proper legend . They also dive into why keytars in metal…

Continue Reading 168: Pirates

What do a 13-year-old Phil Collins, a violent music manager dangling people off balconies, and a psychedelic album packaged in a tobacco tin have in common? They are all part of the completely unhinged history of The Small Faces. In this episode of Beat Motel, Andrew and Gimby (yes, he’s back) dig into the story of Steve Marriott—arguably the greatest white soul singer the UK ever produced—and how his career peak might have actually been playing the Artful Dodger in 1960. We talk about Don Arden (Sharon Osbourne’s notoriously terrifying dad), fixing the charts with mod…

Continue Reading 167: The Small Faces – the most short-changed band in history

In a desperate bid to look like we know what we are talking about, we have overhauled the format. This week, Andrew drags a bewildered Dr. Sam through 1980s Liverpool to discuss why a three time Oscar winner spent his youth hiding in a camouflage suit. We are diving deep into: The Scouse Trinity: Exploring the “Crucial Three”. Julian Cope’s Fear of the Floor: Why he performed on step ladders because he felt the floor was too dangerous. The Mysterious Drum Machine: The story behind the machine they called “Echo”. The Big Lie: How they admitted…

Continue Reading 165: Echo and the Bunnymen: Blinding the Audience for Art

Viking metal is a sad parody of music. Or at least, that’s how Andrew starts this episode before Sam drags him through a hedge of historical facts. In a bold new format where one of us actually prepares and the other just reacts with increasing confusion, Dr. Sam (our resident academic-lite) guides us through the reality of Viking influence on music. We cover why Wagner is responsible for the horn-helmet lie, why Led Zeppelin is basically a Viking recruitment brochure, and why the Harp Twins might be the most terrifying thing we’ve ever watched. We also…

Continue Reading 164: Viking influence on music

Show Notes Right, here we go. In this episode, Andrew and Dr. Sam tackle ‘Foreign Music’—which is basically just a fancy way of saying ‘songs where we don’t understand the words’. We kick things off with an enormous tube of lube and some fizzy water that’s apparently trying to destroy Andrew’s teeth. The lads dive into the archives to discuss why the British are so terrified of music that isn’t in English, the mystery of Joe Strummer’s ‘garbled nonsense’ Spanish on ‘Should I Stay or Should I Go’, and the revelation that Plastic Bertrand was basically…

Continue Reading 163: Foreign music

Look, we tried to have a sophisticated chat about interwar music (the stuff between the two big global scraps) but obviously, it devolved into a conversation about penis tattoos and whether or not Reddit is a valid academic source. Dr. Sam brings the “knowledge” (mostly from books he is actually holding, for once), and Andrew tries to figure out how to eat a Scotch egg without a plate while pondering the sexual deviance of 1920s novelty songs. We cover Duke Ellington’s Mood Indigo, the absolute filth hidden in “I’m Going to Bring a Watermelon to My…

Continue Reading 162: Interwar music (world war one and two)

This is it. The big one. Episode 161. A milestone nobody asked for and even fewer likely wanted. It’s the “Ego-death indulgent Spectacular Special,” which is basically a fancy way of saying Andrew and Dr. Sam have finally disappeared up their own backsides to look at the wreckage of the last 160 episodes. Expect a lot of self-congratulatory stats, clips of the pair sounding like absolute melts, and the usual technical failures that have become the show’s unintended trademark. We’ve got deep dives into why Queen is discussed more than played, the actual number of times…

Continue Reading 161: Beat Motel Episode 161 Ego-death indulgent Spectacular Special

In this episode of Beat Motel, Andrew is joined by Tom Klute, a man who has spent 25 years running the Commercial Suicide label and presumably even longer trying to figure out how to stop CDRs from rotting into useless plastic coasters. The pair embark on a quest to identify the ‘Great Basslines of Our Time’, a journey that takes them from the bowel-ripping valve amps of the 70s to the distorted sub-bass of 90s jungle. Along the way, they discuss why buying a headless bass is a cry for help, the terror of music trackers,…

Continue Reading 160: Great Bass lines of our time with Tom Klute (a.k.a Tommy Stupid)

Look, we’ve all been there. You go to a gig at a university campus that looks like a concrete fever dream from A Clockwork Orange, you feel ancient because the students are all drinking a gallon of water from Stanley cups instead of proper ale, and then you have to question your own bowel integrity because someone in the crowd is weaponising their flatulence. This week, Andrew and Dr. Sam dive into the “Normal Lineup, Weird Noises” theme—basically, what happens when a standard rock band decides to make sounds that shouldn’t exist. We’ve got Jerskin Fendrix…

Continue Reading 159: Normal lineup, weird noises

In this episode, Andrew and Dr Sam attempt to justify their existence as middle-aged men with a music podcast by discussing the “sheer fucking arrogance” of music journalism. Between reenacting being a hydroelectric dam and discussing the logistics of dressing up like a facade of the Pentagon, they actually manage to talk about some records. Expect a deep dive into the dry drum sounds of early Faith No More, the naive charm of The Fall, and the surprising revelation that Hanoi Rocks basically invented Guns N’ Roses. We also learn about the “poo sick” (don’t ask)…

Continue Reading 158: Influential albums that sold naff all copies

In this episode, Andrew and Dr Sam tackle the high-brow topic of Autumn, which mostly involves Sam moaning about how grey Finland is and Andrew recounting the time he kicked a pile of dog muck while trying to be whimsical. We also dive deep into the world of Roy Orbison, specifically his secret life as a competitive remote-control car enthusiast and how he basically wore the same pair of filthy glasses for 25 years. Andrew finally sees the Rocky Horror Picture Show and is traumatised by middle-aged men in stockings, Sam tries to find a version…

Continue Reading 157: Autumn

In this episode of Beat Motel, Andrew and Dr. Sam attempt to discuss “Great Songs with Questionable Lyrics” but mostly end up talking about accidental calls to the emergency services and the thermal advantages of having an itchy jumper for a face. We dive into the grottier side of grindcore with Edinburgh’s CHOU, wonder why Wolf Alice has a drummer singing in a thicket, and Dr. Sam tries to justify why he once owned a Limp Bizkit record. Also featuring: Slade being sued for sounding like a brickyard, Jimmy Page “borrowing” songs again, and why you…

Continue Reading 156: Great music, uncomfortable lyrics

In what can only be described as a new low for the Beat Motel, Andrew and Dr. Sam dive headfirst into a theme so thin you can practically see through it: Water. What starts with Jackie Chan karate-chopping peanut packets somehow devolves into a harrowing discussion about men who refuse to wipe their backsides because it’s “too gay,” and the pungent aroma of a father’s “beefy” morning ritual. Musically, we’re forced to endure everything from Janet Jackson’s “Moist” (a song that makes everyone’s knees feel funny for the wrong reasons) to a Deep Purple video featuring…

Continue Reading 155: Beefy Smells and Bad Riffs: The Water Episode

We’ve got Drew Ailes (aka David Lunch, aka Egg Norton) from Minneapolis punk outfit Citric Dummies. We spend a suspicious amount of time talking about the horrors of SEO and marketing because, apparently, being a punk doesn’t pay for the artisanal bread anymore. Drew explains how his background in “mucking about with systems” on the internet led to a career in corporate consulting, and why having a drummer who is actually a musical genius is the only reason the band hasn’t folded in on itself. Expect tangents on the “blokey-bloke” culture of Oasis, the mystery of…

Continue Reading 154: Citric Dummies Drew Special (not quite an interview)

We’re back, and frankly, if you’ve stuck around this long, you only have yourself to blame. After our first-ever break, Andrew and Dr. Sam return to discuss why cats don’t actually like dope beats, despite what Aaliyah told us in 2000, and why fireworks and techno are a bad mix for pets. In this episode, we dive into the legendary Eric B. & Rakim, Japanese garage rock icons Thee Michelle Gun Elephant, and the “emotional grindcore” of Swarrrm. There’s also a deeply unnecessary deep dive into The Queers’ lyrical nuances from 1999 and a story about…

Continue Reading 153: Fast music for slow times

If you’ve ever wondered why some bassists look like they’re having a conversation with a ghost or why your favorite punk record sounds like it was recorded in a cupboard, Mike Watt is here to explain it all. We sat down with the Minutemen and Stooges legend to talk about everything from the physics of why playing too many notes makes you “smaller” to the absolute bigotry drummers face in the industry. Watt walks us through his “third opera,” why he wrote an entire album on a Telecaster instead of a bass just to spite himself,…

Continue Reading 152: Mike Watt on The Stooges, The Minutemen, and Why Bass is Actually a Drum